Because of doing job applications and calling recruiters and the like on London time, I'm almost living on London time now. This is... bad when you are still trying to do a 9-5 job on Australia time. I had a cup of coffee about 11pm so I could finish a practical test for one of the positions I'm going for. Now it's 1:30am and I'm really tired but just not sleeping.
With any luck this will lessen my jetlag. I'm thinking that's a dream though.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Minor delay
For ... interesting reasons I've had to delay my departure a little, about 10 days.
I will spend this time well, bumming around Adelaide being unemployed and doing as much visiting as I can :-)
I will spend this time well, bumming around Adelaide being unemployed and doing as much visiting as I can :-)
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Prelude
The view as we takeoff is spectacular - the best ever. Maybe it's because of my mood, or maybe it just is beautiful. I don't remember flying out at this time of day, or maybe I just never really looked before.
The beaches look stunning in the 6:30pm sunlight. The water is even more so - bursting through the low level clouds and peering through them to the sparkling glassy surface is mesmerising. I'm quite sorry to leave the water behind and head inland.
The astonishing beauty and my own feelings make me take out my laptop and start typing. I've never done this on a flight before. I was afraid to waste a moment, that once my feet were back on the ground I would (as I do so often) put my thoughts aside without recording them until they fade.
I don't know what I will do with this text, but the lump in my throat tells me I should do something more than leave them for dementia to claim.
My heart is alterately heavy, elated and, well, shitscared. I have had a ball on this trip, staying with Marty in the city was wonderful, he looked after me well and it was ridiculously easy to visit people and travel around the city. I ate very well - too well, and both my waistline and my pocket will appreciate returning home.
Heavy, leaving behind Kate in the departure lounge as I boarded my flight. I'm amazingly glad to have got to know her a bit better during this trip. It's so much fun to find such startling hidden depths in a person that you never knew were there. And humbling. Must stop judging the books by the cover. Or more accurately, stop reading chapters 1-3 and thinking I know it all.
And as I watch the beaches recede I realise that in less than ONE MONTH I will be doing exactly the same thing, except on a malaysian airlines 747, bound for Kuala Lumpar, completely alone, on my way to another country, another life.
Temporary as I know it will be, that stay will be an amazing journey, I might be miserable, happy, something in between, but whatever it is, it will always be unforgettable.
I've so much to do! Once I had my tickets and Right of Abode sorted I got a little complacent. Suddenly it's upon me. My goal is to submit my resume to at least one potential employer tonight. Better a slightly rough resume is out there than I sit on it any longer!
I'm a bit of a scaredy cat. I'm not brave. Once I found out that I would be going it alone, I could picture myself in Heathrow, not knowing what the hell to do with myself. And I hate asking people for help. I think they are helping me because they are being polite, rather than genuinely being pleased to help me. Madness lies that way. Sometimes you need help.
I don't know Amy very well, I probably spoke to her no more or no less than any other fellow employee, back in "the days" when Internode was small and cosy. I've come to know her a bit better, via IM, however asking for help was still a hard thing for me to do. But I'm glad I did. Seeing her smiling face at the airport will make it all worthwhile.
Separating with Anna couldn't have come at a better or a worse time, if indeed you can consider the dissolution of such a long term commitment at any time to be better or worse than another. The full impact on our lives will not be measurable until things return to normal - which for me will now be quite some time.
Coming to Adelaide has given me a small taste of being apart from my children, and it's going to be a hard thing to deal with. Emily coming to visit me in the UK later in the year will make an enourmous difference, but the thought of coming home and finding Felix grown saddens me almost to the point of tears at the moment. I need to avoid this topic right now or my fellow passengers will be seeing a grown man cry.
Heidi's dinner for me was probably one of the nicest things that has been done for me ever. Leaving for the US the next day the last thing she needed was to organise a BBQ, but she did, and it was completely awesome. I know her not-so-ulterior motive was to set me up with one of her many amazing friends, but really, this is just more coolness than motive :-) I'm completely not ready for anything like this, despite what Mr. Brain sometimes thinks, but I'm still pretty much emotionally retarded, and I think being alone for a while is probably exactly what I need.
Seeing Anna and my mutual friends Michael and Illectra was slightly odd, at first. Last time we visited, post-breakup, we were both there, and, well, it was tense. Well I thought it was tense anyway.
This time I found things much more comfortable. It's good to realise that being apart from Anna doesn't mean that I have to separate from other people too, not if I don't want to. And the look of glee on Illectra's face when she realised she had a new potential man to match her single friends with again was priceless.
Dragging Kirstie along to that was also wonderful. Thick and thin she's been with me, and lucky perhaps for both of us, we were never both thick or both thin at the same time. Sam is very lucky and I'm sure he knows it.
Seeing my family was difficult, as some of them don't yet know "the news". I can't wait much longer, but I might have to be a chicken and do it over the phone. I'll do it one way or another before I leave.
I feel strange about the fact that Nick won't be on the flight with me in 4 weeks. Doing that journey with him was going to be very exciting. I'm sure he expected me to be angry, or sad, or maybe disappointed when he told me. I've never heard so many lead-in sentences and attempts to put positive spin on the upcoming 'bad news'. Nick, you can be so transparent sometimes. But not very often.
I was none of those things. Knowing that Nick was willing to give up a journey with me, with his ticket already bought and plans already drawn, must have meant he was experiencing something special. And he is. So I'm completely happy for him.
The beaches look stunning in the 6:30pm sunlight. The water is even more so - bursting through the low level clouds and peering through them to the sparkling glassy surface is mesmerising. I'm quite sorry to leave the water behind and head inland.
The astonishing beauty and my own feelings make me take out my laptop and start typing. I've never done this on a flight before. I was afraid to waste a moment, that once my feet were back on the ground I would (as I do so often) put my thoughts aside without recording them until they fade.
I don't know what I will do with this text, but the lump in my throat tells me I should do something more than leave them for dementia to claim.
My heart is alterately heavy, elated and, well, shitscared. I have had a ball on this trip, staying with Marty in the city was wonderful, he looked after me well and it was ridiculously easy to visit people and travel around the city. I ate very well - too well, and both my waistline and my pocket will appreciate returning home.
Heavy, leaving behind Kate in the departure lounge as I boarded my flight. I'm amazingly glad to have got to know her a bit better during this trip. It's so much fun to find such startling hidden depths in a person that you never knew were there. And humbling. Must stop judging the books by the cover. Or more accurately, stop reading chapters 1-3 and thinking I know it all.
And as I watch the beaches recede I realise that in less than ONE MONTH I will be doing exactly the same thing, except on a malaysian airlines 747, bound for Kuala Lumpar, completely alone, on my way to another country, another life.
Temporary as I know it will be, that stay will be an amazing journey, I might be miserable, happy, something in between, but whatever it is, it will always be unforgettable.
I've so much to do! Once I had my tickets and Right of Abode sorted I got a little complacent. Suddenly it's upon me. My goal is to submit my resume to at least one potential employer tonight. Better a slightly rough resume is out there than I sit on it any longer!
I'm a bit of a scaredy cat. I'm not brave. Once I found out that I would be going it alone, I could picture myself in Heathrow, not knowing what the hell to do with myself. And I hate asking people for help. I think they are helping me because they are being polite, rather than genuinely being pleased to help me. Madness lies that way. Sometimes you need help.
I don't know Amy very well, I probably spoke to her no more or no less than any other fellow employee, back in "the days" when Internode was small and cosy. I've come to know her a bit better, via IM, however asking for help was still a hard thing for me to do. But I'm glad I did. Seeing her smiling face at the airport will make it all worthwhile.
Separating with Anna couldn't have come at a better or a worse time, if indeed you can consider the dissolution of such a long term commitment at any time to be better or worse than another. The full impact on our lives will not be measurable until things return to normal - which for me will now be quite some time.
Coming to Adelaide has given me a small taste of being apart from my children, and it's going to be a hard thing to deal with. Emily coming to visit me in the UK later in the year will make an enourmous difference, but the thought of coming home and finding Felix grown saddens me almost to the point of tears at the moment. I need to avoid this topic right now or my fellow passengers will be seeing a grown man cry.
Heidi's dinner for me was probably one of the nicest things that has been done for me ever. Leaving for the US the next day the last thing she needed was to organise a BBQ, but she did, and it was completely awesome. I know her not-so-ulterior motive was to set me up with one of her many amazing friends, but really, this is just more coolness than motive :-) I'm completely not ready for anything like this, despite what Mr. Brain sometimes thinks, but I'm still pretty much emotionally retarded, and I think being alone for a while is probably exactly what I need.
Seeing Anna and my mutual friends Michael and Illectra was slightly odd, at first. Last time we visited, post-breakup, we were both there, and, well, it was tense. Well I thought it was tense anyway.
This time I found things much more comfortable. It's good to realise that being apart from Anna doesn't mean that I have to separate from other people too, not if I don't want to. And the look of glee on Illectra's face when she realised she had a new potential man to match her single friends with again was priceless.
Dragging Kirstie along to that was also wonderful. Thick and thin she's been with me, and lucky perhaps for both of us, we were never both thick or both thin at the same time. Sam is very lucky and I'm sure he knows it.
Seeing my family was difficult, as some of them don't yet know "the news". I can't wait much longer, but I might have to be a chicken and do it over the phone. I'll do it one way or another before I leave.
I feel strange about the fact that Nick won't be on the flight with me in 4 weeks. Doing that journey with him was going to be very exciting. I'm sure he expected me to be angry, or sad, or maybe disappointed when he told me. I've never heard so many lead-in sentences and attempts to put positive spin on the upcoming 'bad news'. Nick, you can be so transparent sometimes. But not very often.
I was none of those things. Knowing that Nick was willing to give up a journey with me, with his ticket already bought and plans already drawn, must have meant he was experiencing something special. And he is. So I'm completely happy for him.
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